I know I’m not supposed to tell people what to do or how to live their lives. I don’t even correct my friends’ English for that matter. They’re still saying ‘that’s mean’ instead of ‘that means’ and telling each other about their ‘carrier plans’ instead of ‘career plans’. But I can’t just keep quiet when I’m being compared to assholes and idiots. I don’t know if it was done unconsciously or in any way as a personal attack towards me but I’ve been in this situation way too many times that I think it’s time for me to say something about it.
Here’s the situation. Your friend is telling you a story about her unpleasant experience. You know… like being groped in a crowded train, going to someone’s house that has 23 cats in it, being ghosted by someone less attractive than you or just basically coming across people who are downright assholes and circumstances that make you wanna crawl into a black hole and just disappear from the face of the earth.
Don't get me wrong. I love listening to these stories. In fact, I’m a really good listener. I will give my undivided attention even when you are telling me something, about someone that I don’t even know exist, doing something that I honestly don’t give a shit about. But some people will tell stories and try to pull you in by inserting you into the narrative or even worse, by comparing you to one of the characters in these horrible situations.
The Situations:
1- “Omg I can’t believe we spent two hours talking and she didn’t offer me anything to drink! Even you made me coffee when I come over to your place!”
“Even I did”? Was it unexpected that I made you coffee? Were you surprised by the way I treated my house guest? Am I just slightly better than this person you are telling me about?
2- “I’ve never had a boyfriend. Nobody wants me. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Even you have, babe. It’s so sad”
Excuse me?? Of course I have! This sounds like “Even an ugly piece of shit like you have been in a relationship. Why not me?”
3-“It's been really tough. Nobody asked me how I’m doing. I can’t believe of all the people, you are the one who reach out to me.”
Of all the people? Like “Hey! You’re the most insignificant person in my life but thanks for checking on me.”
4-“This is Hannef. He’s one of our media friends. He may not look like it but, yes he can write in English. So the interview will be in English.”
This is how a PR rep once introduced me to the singer, Faizal Tahir right before I interviewed him. Not exactly the same like all of the situations above but this is a perfect example of the way other people look down and speak of me in the most degrading way possible. It is just so crazy of him to think that this is in any way a compliment. He was basically saying, “Oh by the way, this guy looks like a complete idiot but don’t worry. He got this.” I tried so damn hard not to lose my shit and just walk away because I really needed to get my work done.
Have you ever been in a similar situation when someone is passive-aggressively undermining you? Maybe I’m just being petty and too sensitive. I know the key to a lifelong happiness is to not pay attention or react to negativity. Don’t be mistaken. I’m all about that. But God! Aren’t people just the worst?
The End
Note: This piece was originally a Facebook status that I ended up not posting. I kept it in draft. One rainy afternoon late last year, I was taking the train home from a horrible date and remembered that there was a poetry exhibition about to take place at 5pm. I forgot that I've registered for the reading portion of the program. I got off the train, booked a Grab, took out my iPad and started editing this piece because I have no other essays ready for the event. I got there. Did my thing and ended up staying until late with the organizers and a bunch of other writers. They locked up the venue and we went to a bar. It's amazing how the end of the day can look totally different from how you started it.
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