For the longest time, I have always had a very complicated relationship with the social media. It is borderline abusive, comparable to cocaine addiction or a really bad boyfriend. It is impossible to just give it up when everyone around you is doing it.
And now here we are in the strangest time us humankind have ever seen. Survival is not running through a minefield trying to make it to the other side in one piece. It is rather a battle within ourselves to stay sane amidst the restriction, panic and confusion.
Being at home with nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to except for the weekly episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race is tough. Especially for me. Living inside my brain is exhausting enough as it is. Even after all these years, everyday still feels like a brand new struggle. This little pandemic lifestyle adjustment is not doing me any good. I’m taking it the hardest compared to everyone I know.
At least that’s what I think judging from their postings on Instagram. I can’t believe people are actually dancing at home right now. And they make their own bread and share photos of their home-cooked food that looks like vomit on purpose. What the fuck are they thinking?! I can’t barely leave the sofa to get to the fridge because my mind is just so heavy from all these thoughts inside my head.
Yes I do cook every now and then. There are days when whatever it is that I cooked with my limited culinary skills surprisingly resembles actual food from some actual cookbook, mostly by chance and I assume by my choice of colorful plates. But not even once that I was tempted to share it online because there are people out there who don’t have money for food. Those people in the Red Zone don't even know from where or what or even when actually their next meal is. I decided they don’t have to see my minute size culinary victory.
I have nothing against people being fun and silly. After all, we have to find our own way to amuse ourselves. Live Laugh Love remember? I bet it’s up there on the wall somewhere inside your house that you recently Marie Kondo'd out of boredom. Maybe I should try not to take things too seriously? Nope. I don’t really do that because it hurts my brain seeing grown ass women and men dancing awkwardly on TikTok to the beat of trap music and girls wearing a belted throw pillow as a dress (and nothing else) and calling it #pillowchallenge. On Facebook there are morons asking stupid questions like “How do people in Muslim countries sanitize without using alcohol” and “What will happen when we are still in lockdown and ran out of TV show to watch”.
Poof! There goes my brain.
Not only these people make me hate myself for scrolling through the social media, I began to question if my emotional struggle amidst this pandemic lockdown is invalid because the rest of the world seems to be having so much fun while acting like a bunch of idiots.
Is it time to stop sulking in the corner and start dancing to the beat of the song composed by a Soundcloud rapper with face tattoos on TikTok? Should I start sharing recipes for basic food that I cook even though nobody asked for them? Today I’m making omelette y’all!
No thank you.
Some might argue that now is the worst time to leave social media because it is the only way we can all be connected to one another. Maybe I don't really want to know what people have for dinner or whether their Shopee orders have arrived because I seriously don't care. But in all honesty, I rather feel lonely and live inside my fucked up brain than seeing people acting stupid, entitled and fake throughout these tough times.
Yet I have nothing but love and respect towards those who are trying so hard to survive this, like local fashion designers who are still trying to sell their glamorous dresses despite the fact that people are all now practically living in sweatpants and kaftans. Influencers and “industry experts” are going live on Instagram and Zoom to offer useless advice like “How to Maintain your Follower Growth” or answering questions that nobody really care to ask like "How do you put together that grocery run outfit". And how about singers who have no choice but to sing for free from inside their bedrooms? Great effort! But Fiona Apple has a whole new album out.
Now I would like to end this with a question. What leads women to think that now is the time to change their hairstyles and cut their own bangs?
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